I’m trying to write about seeing The Bad Plus last night, and fangirling, and jazz, and I have turned my brain to mush. I have writing mush brain. I’ve spent too long trying to get the sentence just right, the paragraph just right, the ideas just right, and now the words are becoming less like lightning, and more like lightning bugs.
I think writer’s mush is far more insidious than writer’s block. I’m more daunted by a page full of crap than a blank page. I know that many people have the opposite problem. But an empty bowl vs. a big bowl of crap? I’ll take the empty bowl every time.
The only thing to do with writer’s mush is walk away–the opposite, really, of writers’ block. I must relinquish this idea for today, but it’s sooo hard to put it down.
Hence this post. Something different. Something new. Something to use to let go.
So, I haven’t updated my zazen earworms, but that’s not because I haven’t had any. I had the theme song from The Goonies the other day (more Cyndi Lauper) and “Afternoons & Coffeespoons” by the Crash Test Dummies (shortly following an email exchange with Brad Roberts, who is a super nice guy, btw). On Monday I had a terrible stomach flu, so I didn’t zazen.
And then, tonight in meditation class, my least relevant earworm to anything I’d been listening to or thinking about noodled through my brain: “Weigh” by Phish.
So far, my earworms have been bubbling up more on the relevant side of things. But then I started thinking (after I got home, because it was enough to try to focus on breathing with “Weigh” noodling in my noodle. That was a doozy.) that “Weigh” seems to be relevant to zazen itself. My problem is always over-intellectualizing (as you can probably guess from my blogging about my zazen earworms). And what does “Weigh” begin with but cutting off a head to weigh it–cutting off the mind. The song itself is silly, but the silliness itself defies intellectualization. And the last part, about weighing options, seems to get serious but immediately reverts back to silly with the answers of 5 lbs, 6 lbs, and 7 lbs. The chorus, “why weigh on a sunny day,” is rather like saying “why obsess with overanalysis and cause yourself suffering when you can live in the present?”
Why indeed. Definitely something to
think be about.